Creating a life.

You know, when most people write their blog posts, they feel as though they have something truly profound to share. I'd like to think that I'm one of those people. However, as I sit here at the kitchen table in Herndon, Virginia, with a dog burrowed under a blanket next to me and the gray sky not even quite day, I wonder if I am, or ever will be someone with profound words. What a disclaimer to begin a post, eh? In my last post, months ago, I talked about choosing my life, and really, since that time I have come to even more deeply believe that that was the case for me. Now that I've already moved across the country and linked my life with another human being's forever, I've been thinking not about choosing my life but creating the life I want, the like WE want. I don't know why people seem to leave this part out of the pre-wedding excitement and planning stages. Everyone is so concerned with the decor or food choices for the reception and seem to have so much advice, but when I (sometimes in a panicky way- I'll admit it) look to these sage marrieds for advice on how to plan my future life, I really get blank stares. I don't know if it's just me, but I don't want life to just happen- I want everything in my life (insofar as it can be) to be driven by me and what I want. This begs the question of what does a good life entail and how do you get it? I've come up with a few things that I think I need in order to plan a future that's worth having, so here goes: 1. foundation on Jesus Christ (and the church participation and service that comes along with that firm foundation) [for the record- this one is an obvious no-brainer. you can't have a purposeful life without it. i'd be happy to talk with you more about why:)] 2. uhhhh…… number one is as far as I've gotten. You see, I'm a planner. And us planners, we worry about things not being planned, or at least in the works. So, I'm here at the kitchen table, another morning beginning, dog snoring beside me, trying to figure out how to create the life that I want. Suggestions welcome.

Mother Freaking DUBAI

People. My adventure of a lifetime has officially begun! As we speak, I am sitting over 8,000 miles from home in the very classy Dubai airport. Correction- I am lounging in a highly uncomfortable, probably pretty dirty red chair by my gate for the next 7 hours, barely containing my excitement at FINALLY getting to India. The flight over was the most lovely flight I think I have ever encountered, despite the fact that it was a billion hours long (okay, okay it was only 15 1/2). For starters, the plane itself was bigger than anything I've ever set foot in. I'm used to the little tin can planes with two rows of two seats that I have to cram myself into and smell oddly like restrooms the entire flight. This plane, this beautiful, well-ventilated plane, had STAIRS people. When I walked into the incredibly non-claustrophobic hull and saw that staircase I knew I had arrived. Finally. Once I found my seat, got situated, and started eating popcorn, I got another nice surprise. The in-flight entertainment had full length movies and TV series. Hellooooo Downton Abbey season 4! Essentially my flight consisted of me eating popcorn, peanut butter m&ms, shamelessly devouring the in-flight meal and accompanying coca-cola light (how non americans think that this compares to actual diet coke i will never begin to fathom), watching the entire season of Downton (yeah…about 7 hours of television. I'm not proud. But I kind of am. Whatever haters) and sleeping intermittently. It was a fast flight, which I am more than grateful for. Now, Dubai. Dubai (from the many promotional materials I watched while on my way over) seems AWESOME. HOLD UP. Muslim call to prayer is happening literally as I type this. OMG OMG OMG I don't know why I'm fangirling over someone singing Arabic over a loudspeaker but SERIOUSLY. Being out of the US is so cool. To say the least. The airport itself is high-tech, beautiful and freakkkinnnng big. Remind me not bring anything heavy AT ALL next time I travel. Also remind me to not wear a straw hat (that is NOT a fedora) and really, really wide printed pants traveling. I look like a hobo, not like these classy ladies I see to the right and left of me. More than anything, I am excited to be soaking in NEW. New places, new people, new cultures, new food items on the Burger King menu (don't act like you wouldn't get some BK whilst in Dubai either). This, people, is what life is all about. Traveling also makes one grateful. Grateful for the nation we have to live in (and seriously, America, I am absolutely going to make it up to you next year for not being in you on your birthday. Jared and I already have our outfits planned), grateful for the people we have around us to love…I think that this trip is going to humble me to a point where I will start living with gratitude, as opposed to occasionally feeling that pang of gratefulness. I'm going to think on a few things while I sit here and wait and wait and hopefully something profound will make its way into my little thoughts. MOTHER FREAKIN DUBAI! INDIA IN THE MORNING! WHAAAAAAAT??!?!?!

Choosing your own life.

"I always attempt to tackle these particularly weighty subjects on my blog in the hopes that someone will read it and be inspired in some way. this year, i want to use this blog as a means of opening up the oft slammed-shut door of my emotional existence and lay it bare for all the world to see. melodramatic? obviously. do i write any other way? i was glancing over my journal in church yesterday and i've said it once and i'll say it again...my journal has the gravitas of a late 90s Nickelodeon sitcom. seriously. i like to think i'm deep and such. false notion. my journal reads more like a who's who of alexandra's non-existent dating life. i'm embarrassed for what the future generations might think." -Alexandra Sullivan, January 2014 i can't believe i never posted that for the whole world to see! it's a good thing i think i'm particularly funny;it's important that somebody laugh. i've decided that i will take to the blog world again and at least give my little sister something funny to read when she's bored. there are a lot of game-changers coming my way in the coming months. i've left the classroom once and for all (as a teacher, that is), i leave for the leper colonies of india in about 2 weeks, after that i'll basically be loafing about southern california, ya know, working on the tan, and then in probably the biggest of all big news, i'll be attending American University in washington d.c. you heard me right people, the dream is coming true! this post is aptly named. i have started writing and rewriting this post for months upon months and yet the title is still applicable- life is coming full circle as it tends to do. i have chosen my life. the decisions i made 8 years ago shaped where i'm going. i see all too clearly the heartbreak and disappointment i've felt/struggled through shaped me, allowed me to be here and now. honestly, for many years i felt like the heavens were closed to me. i was struggling on my own, with only my glimmer of faith allowing me to keep going. i felt like my life was a series of colossal failures- unable to keep a long-term boyfriend in college, hard to keep a solid group of friends hanging around, inability to transform lives in louisiana, lack-luster church service, epic heartbreak, job troubles, i mean, my life in no way was bad but it left me feeling like i was in the back seat of my life, struggling to get to the steering wheel. i knew Heavenly Father was there, but i didn't see the method in what i like to term "madness" (cue lightening strike? hope not.) now, what may seem small to the outside observer has been huge to me. i've had my miracles this year. i've been heard, noticed, appreciated, whatever you want to call it, by the powers that are guiding my life. what i'm really getting around to is that your miracle will come. it will come in the quiet moments when you know you served someone with your whole heart and soul. it will come through dedicated temple service. it will come as you take the time to learn about the Gospel. And in a million other moments (yep, hyperbole. my favorite.) 2 Nephi 2 talks all about how we need the bad to appreciate the good. as a young, single, vibrant woman my initial reaction to that is "hmm...well, i'm not so sure. i think i can very much appreciate the good without feeling the bad. i.e. i am enjoying this little caeser's hot and ready very much, but i didn't have to eat the disgusting frozen pizza to know that this one is deeeelicious." stunning logic, i know. but it has been through these last 8 years of personal struggle that i now know understand a smaller fraction of this doctrine. through all of the bad, i've been refined. without the "bad" in our lives, we can't grow. we don't become these awesome people with character and realness. we aren't robots (although it would be SO cool if we had small wonder robots hanging around). i feel like i can say this with some sense of authority now- you'll be trudging through the misery that this world has to offer for your lifetime, but through it all, you have the choice of whether or not you will let the bad allow you to be ready to receive your miracle.